The Cost of Living

I just received an invoice in the mail
$97 owed to an accident and emergency centre
For when I showed up distressed
Near the end of November
Asking for a quiet place to sit
While my panic attack rode out
And I regained the will to live

This country has medical funding
To ensure good health is maintained
Because accidents do happen
It really is a shame
That the place that I took solace
The place I thought was safe
Has been stripped from my breast
Due to monetary strain

I’ve unintentionally become a suicidal maniac, been having to go to a lot of medical departments recently.. I think this was an admin screw up but I’m too sick to deal with it or even pay it ugh

Daily Heart Attack

Waking up is painful
Dry eyes roll back in my head
There’s a tightness in my chest 
Heart palpitates fitfully in distress

This constant heart attack of mine
Is frightening all the time
From this perpetual anxiety
When will I ever be freed?

Disability 

I don’t write poems anymore
I’m sick and uninspired
and disabled

I thought things would get better
I really did

But I’m still lost and alone
Completely out of control
Clawing at the seams of my mentality
As they rip and unravel
Revealing bloody half-assed wounds

This suffering is eternal and selfish
I’m ashamed of the person I’ve become
Narcissism torments suffocating anxiety
I rip out my eyes and tear the beating heart from my chest

I hold it in front of you and we cry together through the sweet escape 

Inner Voice

Internal monologue
Stuck on caps lock
Shouting back each
Irrelevant thought
Process or pattern
Trying to get out
Break free like a bird
Learning to fly from
Trees set up too high
Fluttering then falling
Narrowly avoiding
The ground as it fleets
Shying away in retreat
A figment of imagination
The mother of distraction
Secret hidden agendas
Of mentally ill frustration

Whirring Thoughts

Feeling so incompetent
Just useless as fuck
Time after time again it seems
I’m straight shit out of luck

The world keeps spinning
Around and around
I’m stumbling off my feet
Getting stupid dizzy
Crumbling underneath weak knees

Will it all fall into place
Before I lose my mind?
Sanity ain’t what it used to be
It’s slipped right out of line