The Cost of Living

I just received an invoice in the mail
$97 owed to an accident and emergency centre
For when I showed up distressed
Near the end of November
Asking for a quiet place to sit
While my panic attack rode out
And I regained the will to live

This country has medical funding
To ensure good health is maintained
Because accidents do happen
It really is a shame
That the place that I took solace
The place I thought was safe
Has been stripped from my breast
Due to monetary strain

I’ve unintentionally become a suicidal maniac, been having to go to a lot of medical departments recently.. I think this was an admin screw up but I’m too sick to deal with it or even pay it ugh

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Daily Heart Attack

Waking up is painful
Dry eyes roll back in my head
There’s a tightness in my chest 
Heart palpitates fitfully in distress

This constant heart attack of mine
Is frightening all the time
From this perpetual anxiety
When will I ever be freed?

The Void

You might know how it feels 
To always be a mess 
A cacophony of chaos 
And forever quite distressed 

You may know the discomfort 
That lurks in empty chests 
The sense of losing touch 
As though there’s no one left 

But hang in there they’ll tell you 
A bouquet of love struck lies 
Their pain you must avoid somehow 
It’s a wonder you’re still alive

Bittersweet

My mentality is straining 
Through blistered, rusted mesh 
While the cracks in the pavement 
Lay awaiting my death 
 
This grand fall from grace 
Is a sick ménage à trois 
Between the multiple personalities 
That lurk around in the dark 
 
No one understands when viewing 
From afar with eyes wide shut 
The poison growing within me 
This bitter apple of my heart 

Split personalities

These clammy hands are killing me 
I’m choking on their scent 
The life I had before this 
Has been put up for rent 

A claustrophobic stagnant silence 
Draws chaos to my ears 
I’m sinking and I’m drowning 
Laid here begging for death 
As the walls start caving in 

Now cataclysmic confrontations 
They work to wear me thin 
I’m pulling out my hair because 
There’s no way to ever win

Yes, I’m still where you left me 
On the floor right now 
Bleeding from my skull 
Scared and vulnerable 
Because I’ve lost this war again 

And all the goddamn while 

These fucking walls keep caving in

Question everything

How are you meant to

Stand up and fight when the world

Has laid down and died?

An open letter

Welcome to life,

I’m sure you’ll survive.

In case of maladaptation,

Refer to personality disorders.

Sincerely

– your demise.