Daily Heart Attack

Waking up is painful
Dry eyes roll back in my head
There’s a tightness in my chest 
Heart palpitates fitfully in distress

This constant heart attack of mine
Is frightening all the time
From this perpetual anxiety
When will I ever be freed?

Bittersweet

My mentality is straining 
Through blistered, rusted mesh 
While the cracks in the pavement 
Lay awaiting my death 
 
This grand fall from grace 
Is a sick ménage à trois 
Between the multiple personalities 
That lurk around in the dark 
 
No one understands when viewing 
From afar with eyes wide shut 
The poison growing within me 
This bitter apple of my heart 

Split personalities

These clammy hands are killing me 
I’m choking on their scent 
The life I had before this 
Has been put up for rent 

A claustrophobic stagnant silence 
Draws chaos to my ears 
I’m sinking and I’m drowning 
Laid here begging for death 
As the walls start caving in 

Now cataclysmic confrontations 
They work to wear me thin 
I’m pulling out my hair because 
There’s no way to ever win

Yes, I’m still where you left me 
On the floor right now 
Bleeding from my skull 
Scared and vulnerable 
Because I’ve lost this war again 

And all the goddamn while 

These fucking walls keep caving in

Disability

I don’t write poems anymore
I’m sick and uninspired
and disabled

I thought things would get better
I really did

But I’m still lost and alone
Completely out of control
Clawing at the seams of my mentality
As they rip and unravel
Revealing bloody half-assed wounds

This suffering is eternal and selfish
I’m ashamed of the person I’ve become
Narcissism torments suffocating anxiety
I rip out my eyes and tear the beating heart from my chest

I hold it in front of you and we cry together through the sweet escape 

Whirring Thoughts

Feeling so incompetent
Just useless as fuck
Time after time again it seems
I’m straight shit out of luck

The world keeps spinning
Around and around
I’m stumbling off my feet
Getting stupid dizzy
Crumbling underneath weak knees

Will it all fall into place
Before I lose my mind?
Sanity ain’t what it used to be
It’s slipped right out of line

Stats Can Go Fuck Itself

Maths makes me want
To gouge out my eyes
And hand-feed them
To ravenous lions

Maths makes to want
To jump off the roof
Of the tallest building
In the world

Maths makes me want
To bash my head open
On this desk littered
With infinite errors

Maths makes me want
To die a thousand deaths
Because it would be easier
Than solving this bullshit

Modern Trash

Radio playing
New music dumbing down mind
Turning youth to shit

A Festive ‘Fuck You’

I hate Christmas
Yeah, I know
A wretched taboo
But I hate the shit
Out of that damned day

Yeah it’s true
I really do

I can never afford
The compulsory gifts
I don’t even know these people
Well enough to get
Anything near fitting

So much pressure
Even if you go handmade
They don’t actually give
Less than two shits
About your bullshit
Laborious hand-crafts
Your efforts tossed away
Doubt they’ll see another day

Then the cupboards
Raided, left bare
There’s food to be had
By an army of sad
Soul-sucked bastards
Filling up my house
Demanding the world

As if it hasn’t already
Been hard enough
To get through
The miserable year
Now life throws one last
Festive themed curveball

Get the fuck out of here
You spent the year absent
Stop pretending to care

The Storm Arrived

It was a torrential day
Of pouring rain
Washed out dreams
Cleansing calm

The drops fell hard
Shattering silence
Pounding on panels
Begging to be let in

Progress

So it seems my woeful fable
Has done a back-flip, landed stable
Now I’m becoming much more able
To fight the illness that made me flail

The agony has matured
Aged past the brewing point
Apathy is being ignored
Less focus spent on flaws

It’s been more than thirty days
Since my body has been saved
Free like a liberated slave
From perpetually stoned ways

Life seems to be back on track
As I’ve rested and relaxed
It’s time to face the fact
That I no longer need a quack